the line is here

I am giving up wanting anything from you. You have pushed, and pushed and pushed and you have brought us here. I am generous and strong and loving, and I have given you everything I could. I draw the line here, in the sand, with this blade. The blade  you cut yourself with after I left you for the first time.  I wish I could say that I was truly the one to leave you, but we both know that’s not true. You’ve been leaving since you got here.

You have no respect for me. As I scolded myself today, I told you I’d have a hard time respecting myself too. I refuse to see myself the way you see me. I deserve respect. I am worthy of respect.  Ask me to speak. I ask you for silence – you can’t give me anything I couldn’t take from myself.

You’ll use this opportunity to get famous. You’ll work your way into more communities, make more empty promises, inspire more admiration. You still won’t be getting paid for your efforts but at least you’re doing what you do best. You’re the leading man in your own self indulgent autobiography. Make more excuses, plant blame all around you, fall in love with yourself, all over again. Keep lying, keep lying to yourself in that mirror you love so much.

You have absolutely nothing to give me. You can’ t have anything else.  My love for you extended far beyond this relationship, but I’m tired, and I’m angry, and I’m giving up being good enough for you. I’d rather be good enough for myself. I will be loved for all I’m worth, not all that you need.

~ by throatstuck on May 10, 2009.